i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
