using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
