my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
