Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
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