He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
