I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Randomize
