I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
