the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Randomize