I can tuck mytits in my pants
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
