just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Dicks are not precious.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Randomize
