so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
