I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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