I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Randomize
