He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
