the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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