i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
