is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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