I didn't shave. On purpose
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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