If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
