They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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