Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
