Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Randomize
