dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
