I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
false alarm, still single
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