I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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