Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
