if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
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