Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
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