just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Randomize
