it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Randomize
