guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Randomize
