He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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