omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
