They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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