he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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