My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
It's just like the Real World with babies
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
