Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Randomize
