Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
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