good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
wow bdsm is so cute
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
