i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
