Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(772): View more from Florida

Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks

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(703): View more from Virginia

just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.

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(703): View more from Virginia

he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh

(1-703): View more from Virginia

be sure to add "office slut" to your resume

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(304): View more from West Virginia

The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous

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(+31): View more from The Netherlands

Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes

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(919): View more from North Carolina

She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.

(919): View more from North Carolina

All she wanted was a cigarette

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(248): View more from Michigan

Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs

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(306): View more from Saskatchewan

There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....

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(757): View more from Virginia

I threw a lamp at you?

(1-757): View more from Virginia

Yes, yes you did.

(757): View more from Virginia

Awesome

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