So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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