K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
