I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
