I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Randomize