i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
