well you can't waste a boner
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
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