Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
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