what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
