Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Randomize
