Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Success! We fucked roommates!
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
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