the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
