Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize