i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
