He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
