They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
