how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
