Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
My breasts were aching with rage.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
