goodnight i made you a song goodbye
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
