She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
