All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
