I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
