I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
