I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Randomize
