She went from zero to smokin in five shots
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
