We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize