My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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