she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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