So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
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