I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Randomize