I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
