I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
