about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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