Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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