whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
