Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
