I'm really into asian looking animals
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
