Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
