Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
