U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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