goodnight i made you a song goodbye
the condom got lost in my hair
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
