He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
