How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
