I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
