i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
