i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
