If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
