Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Randomize
