Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
