My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
