You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
