Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
he had hair everywhere except his balls
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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