i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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