perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
