I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize