There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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