I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
how do flat chested girls get laid?
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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