you guys were way drunker than both of me
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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