There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Randomize
