dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
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