Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
True but thats because hes a fetus.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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