Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
