He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
