Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
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