He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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