hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
